Overcoming Fear of Failure: A Real Talk About What’s Actually Holding You Back
Let’s be real for a second and talk about fear of failure. Have you ever had an idea, a dream, a goal, maybe something that felt so true to who you are. Then, out of nowhere, your mind whispered: “But what if I fail?” It’s wild how just that one question can shrink our world. Suddenly, we're second-guessing everything. We lose our self-esteem. We start playing it safe. We tuck our dreams away in a drawer labelled “maybe later.”
I know that voice. I’ve heard it in my head, and I’ve seen it in the eyes of so many people. Brilliant, creative, passionate people who are capable of so much more than they allow themselves to believe. The fear of failure is real, and it’s sneaky. But it doesn’t have to run the show. In this article, we're going to overcome fear of failure. Where it comes from, why it holds us hostage, and most importantly, how to move forward anyway.
So, grab a tea, take a breath, and let’s talk about it.
Fear of Failure is Normal Before You Succeed
You’re not broken for feeling it. You’re not weak. You’re not being “negative.” You’re human. We’re literally wired to avoid danger, avoid failure. Back in the caveman days, a “mistake” could mean getting eaten by a wild animal or getting kicked out of the community or family. And while life is obviously different now, our nervous systems still treat failure like it’s a life-or-death threat. And we may feel very anxious about if we will be successful sometimes.
So, if you’ve ever felt paralysed before starting something new, or like your heart was going to beat out of your chest before sharing your work with the world, that’s not a flaw. That’s biology. And awareness is step one. Once you recognise the role your body’s response is playing, you can begin to shift the narrative. Instead of seeing that fear as a roadblock, try reframing it as a signal that you’re on the verge of something meaningful. Growth comes with discomfort, and you may fear both the process and the outcome. It’s the sign you’re pushing beyond your comfort zone, and that’s where the magic happens.
It's time to overcome fear of failure even if failure may seem devastating at some point.
Where Does Fear of Failure Really Come From?
The fear of failure usually isn’t about the thing itself. It’s not really about messing up the presentation, getting a “no” on a pitch or even launching something that flops.
It’s about what we make it mean about us.
Maybe it means:
- “I’m not good enough.”
- “People will laugh at me.”
- “I’ll disappoint the people who believed in me.”
- “I’ll prove the voice in my head right.”
For some, it goes even deeper, especially if you were raised in an environment where love or praise was tied to performance. Where self-esteem is measured by achievements. If you only got attention when you succeeded or were “the best,” failure starts to feel like rejection. Like you’ll lose love. Or your place in the world.
This is tender stuff. And if you recognize yourself in this, I want to say something clearly: Your worth is not up for negotiation. Not ever. Failure doesn’t diminish your value or potential. It helps you unlock the truest, most powerful version of yourself. Protect your self-esteem. Embrace it, learn from it and keep moving forward. Your worth is unshakeable, no matter the outcome.
Failure is a necessary part of growth. It refines your skills, builds resilience, and reveals strengths you didn’t know you had. When you stop fearing failure and start seeing it as a teacher, you open yourself to new possibilities. Keep showing up, take risks, and remember: your worth isn’t defined by the outcome but by the courage to keep going.
How Fear of Failure Shows Up in Disguise
Here’s the thing - most of us don’t walk around saying, “I’m afraid to fail.”
Instead, it shows up wearing different outfits:
- Procrastination. (“I’ll start tomorrow... when it’s perfect.”)
- Perfectionism. (“If it’s not flawless, I’m not putting it out.”)
- Overthinking. (“Let me research 47 more things first.”)
- Avoidance. (“Maybe this dream isn’t that important.”)
- People-pleasing. (“What if I disappoint someone?”)
Sound familiar? We think we’re being responsible, or smart, or “realistic.” But what’s really happening is: that our inner critic is driving the bus, and we’re letting fear of failure masquerade as logic. The trick is learning to spot these patterns in real time. When we can recognize them, we take away their power. You don’t have to act on every thought or impulse that comes up. Instead, choose to move forward, even if it’s imperfect. That’s where growth happens.
But What’s the Cost of Letting Fear Win?
It’s easy to say, “I’m just being careful” or “I’m not ready yet.”
But if you zoom out, you might start to see the bigger picture:
Fear keeps us from trying.
Not trying keeps us stuck.
Staying stuck slowly erodes our confidence, our joy, and our sense of aliveness.
It’s not just about missing goals. It’s about missing yourself.
When you avoid failure, you avoid growth. And honestly, most of the people you admire? The ones who look brave and unstoppable? They’ve probably failed more times than you’ve even tried.
Failure isn’t a roadblock, it’s the road. Every misstep is a step forward, an opportunity to learn, adapt, and refine. Letting fear keep you from moving means missing out on the version of yourself that’s waiting to unfold. So, instead of avoiding failure, lean into it. Let that discomfort be the catalyst that sparks your growth because the real magic happens when you keep going despite it.
Let that sink in.
Real Talk: How Do You Actually Overcome Fear of Failure?
Name the Specific Fear
Take a moment and ask yourself: “What am I really afraid of?”
Get curious about it. Is it looking like a failure in front of others? Is it the fear of losing money or opportunities? Or maybe it’s disappointing you? Whatever it is, get to the root of it.
The thing is, when we let these fears live in our heads without actually addressing them, they can start to feel way bigger than they are. But when you take a step back and name the fear, you might find out it’s not as catastrophic as you’ve built it up to be. Often, our minds are masters at spinning worst-case scenarios that don’t even come close to happening. Just putting a name on it can take the power away and make it feel more manageable.
So, next time that fear creeps in, ask yourself: What am I actually afraid of here? You’ll be surprised at how much clarity this simple question can bring.
Write a "Failure" Plan
I know, this might sound a little strange but hear me out.
Write out a “Failure Plan.” Yep, you read that right. It might sound counterintuitive, but it works.
Think about it: “If I try this and it doesn’t work, then I will…”
What will you do next? Will you try again with a new approach? Will you reach out for help? Will you pivot to something else entirely? Write it down.
Why? Because having a plan gives your nervous system a sense of safety. It’s like telling yourself, “Hey, even if things don’t go as expected, I’ve got a backup plan. I’m not going to fall apart if things go wrong.”
This small act reminds you that you can handle whatever comes your way - even if it’s not perfect. And trust me, that confidence is a game-changer when it comes to facing failure head-on.
Shift from Outcome-Focused to Effort-Focused
So often we get hung up on the outcome. We obsess over what will happen, how things will turn out, and whether or not we’ll succeed. But here’s a little secret: the magic isn’t in the result - it’s in how you show up along the way.
So, instead of putting all your energy into stressing about the outcome, shift your focus to the effort you’re putting in. Ask yourself:
- Did I give it my best shot?
- Did I stretch myself, even when it felt uncomfortable?
- Did I stay true to who I am and what I believe in, no matter what?
That’s what counts, my friend. Because at the end of the day, it’s not the “perfect” result that will matter - it’s the growth, the courage, and the alignment you maintained while you were going after it. That’s the stuff that truly sticks with you in the long run.
Practice Micro-Risks
You don’t have to make a huge leap all at once. In fact, you can start by dipping your toe in instead of jumping off a cliff.
Begin with small actions that stretch you just a little - enough to push you out of your comfort zone, but not so much that you feel overwhelmed. Maybe it's speaking up in a meeting, trying something new at work, or sharing an idea you’ve been holding back.
Each time you face a small “failure” (or, let’s be honest, just an imperfect outcome), your brain learns something important: “Hey, I’m still okay. I survived this. I can do this again.”
The more you practice these little risks, the more your tolerance grows. Over time, what once felt intimidating starts to feel more manageable. Before you know it, those bigger risks don’t seem as scary anymore.
Redefine What Success Means
Maybe success isn’t all about the outcome. What if it’s really about the growth, the courage, and the choice to show up in the first place?
Think about it: sometimes, what we call “failure” is a huge win. Maybe it’s the fact that you tried something you used to be too scared to even consider. That takes guts. And honestly, isn’t that worth celebrating?
So, redefine what success looks like for you. It’s not always about perfection or getting everything right. Sometimes, it’s about pushing past your limits and showing yourself what you're capable of - even if things don’t go exactly as planned.
Be Kinder to Yourself Than You Were Taught to Be
This one might just be the most important. Talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you love deeply. Be gentle with yourself. Encourage yourself. Remind yourself that it’s okay to mess up. You’re allowed to be human. You’re allowed to try again and again, even if you stumble along the way.
The truth is you don’t have to be fearless. Fear is going to show up and that’s okay. What matters is being just a little more committed to your truth than to the fear that’s trying to hold you back.
So, be kinder to yourself than you’ve been taught to be. You deserve that grace, and it will make all the difference in overcoming fear and moving forward. Embrace your imperfections, knowing that each step, no matter how small, brings you closer to growth and self-discovery. Allow yourself to be a work in progress.
Fear of Failure as a Common Emotional Response vs Fear of Failing as a Psychological Condition
The fear of failure is a common emotional response that can affect motivation and decision-making, especially when trying something new or stepping outside one's comfort zone. However, the psychological condition known as Fear of Failure (often linked to atychiphobia) is more intense and persistent. It is marked by avoidance behaviours, deep-rooted anxiety and self-worth being tied to performance. While many people occasionally fear failing, the clinical condition can significantly impair daily functioning and personal growth.
Fear of Failure as a Psychological Condition
The fear of failure, often referred to as atychiphobia, is a psychological condition where an individual feels an extreme fear of failure, often leading to anxiety and self-doubt. This condition may stem from low self-esteem and a fixed mindset, where failure is unacceptable. Such fear can cause a person to avoid failure at all costs, leading to avoidance behaviours like procrastination and self-sabotage. For example, someone may procrastinate or avoid a job interview due to the fear of failing and the potential disappointment and shame of failure. Perfectionists may be more likely to experience this phobia, as their high standards mean failure is unacceptable and their self-esteem is closely tied to validation from success.
A fixed mindset where fear and shame dominate can lead to an anxiety disorder where the fear of failing outweighs the desire to succeed. However, a growth mindset can help individuals reframe their thoughts, seeing failure as a setback rather than an endpoint. This perspective allows for learning and growth, where the risk of failure is balanced with the opportunity to gain a new skill.
Here's What I Do
Sometimes I have something I'm procrastinating on. So, I ask myself 'do I really want to do it?'. Then I give it a score out of 10. I accept whatever number pops into my head first... before I have a chance to think about it. If it is less than 8, I normally don't do it. It means there's going to be obstacles, and they may be difficult to overcome. I've been doing this for many years now and it works like a treat!
When it's Time to Seek Help from a Psychologist?
There comes a time when fear of failure can hold you back from taking risks and embracing challenging projects, which are crucial for both personal and professional growth. If you lack confidence and find that your fear response is taking over, it might be time to seek help from a psychologist or counsellor.
A psychologist, possibly in conjunction with an executive coach, can help you focus on success rather than letting the potential for failure dominate your thoughts. Techniques like CBT can alter negative self-talk and teach you to brainstorm strategies for overcoming obstacles. With guidance, you can transform your fear and anxiety into a drive for improvement rather than being averse to trying new things.
Remember, failure becomes a stepping stone on the path to success when viewed constructively. If you find that your fear is getting in the way of your ambitions, don't hesitate to reach out for help. A psychologist or counsellor can help you see that making mistakes is a natural part of growth and that striving to be a high performer means embracing both success and failure.
Overcoming Fear of Failure: Being Brave and Moving Forward
Everybody has goals they want to accomplish; buy a house, start a family, or get that dream job. But people are often held back by one nagging emotion - fear. Fear of change, hard work, and ultimately, failure. Afraid their efforts won’t yield their end goal; many people refrain from pursuing their dreams and settle for something easier to obtain. This is a dangerous mistake that can cause you to miss out on the greatest joys in life. You must learn how to control your fear and not let it hold you back from anything. The first step is to acknowledge what you want in life and why it scares you. If you’re open and honest with yourself, you’ll soon realize what it is that you really want and why you’re afraid of it.
Working towards major life goals takes courage and forces you to identify your fears and do whatever it takes to move past them. But when you finally accomplish your dreams, whatever they may be, your efforts will be more than worth it. Fear should never hold you back from pursuing anything in life. By making an effort to overcome your fears, you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to. Everyone falls down at one point or another, but those who get back up are the ones who are truly successful.
Overcome Fear of Failure Now
If you're feeling overwhelmed by fear of what’s ahead, now’s the time to get some clarity. Our experienced psychics are here to provide the guidance you need to release those fears and step forward with confidence. Book a call with us today and learn how to navigate the future with more peace and certainty.
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