People grow apart for a number of reasons – they don’t spend enough time together, they begin to want different things in life, or maybe life changes who they are as people. But sometimes, one partner simply feels as if their lover has lost interest in them.
It’s a terrible feeling to have, one that causes a range of negative emotions, from anger to confusion to depression. If you get this feeling, the first thing you need to do is ask yourself why. Is it something that’s gradually happened over time, or do you think it was a sudden shift? Was there an event that caused a change in emotion? What behaviour is your partner exhibiting that is causing you to feel like this?
Once you’ve come to terms with why you’re feeling this way, and you have a few specific examples to give, you should talk to your partner. Tell them that you’d like to have an open, honest discussion about your relationship. Don’t come off as accusatory, but express your concerns as specifically as you can. Ask questions about how they feel so that it’s not a one-way conversation.
There are a few different ways this discussion could go:
Your partner could admit that they have lost interest in you.
If this happens, you should find out if your lover is looking to move on or if they’d like to work on getting the spark back in your relationship. If the latter is true, figure out the areas in which they’re looking for more from you, and do your best to meet those needs.
Your partner could deny that they’ve been acting differently.
If your partner denies acting any differently, it could be because they’re covering something up, or they may really have no idea what you’re talking about. In this instance, you should give it some time and see what happens. If your partner’s weird behaviours go away then you have no reason to bring up the topic again. But if they are still making you feel as if they’ve lost interest, continue to point out specific examples and see if they open up.
Your partner could give an explanation that has nothing to do with you.
This is best case scenario – your lover admits he or she has been acting strangely but gives you an honest reason as to why that has nothing to do with you. You should be supportive of whatever it is they’re going through and make sure you’re there whenever they need you.
If the worst happens and your lover has indeed lost interest, remember that you are a beautiful person inside and out, and you deserve someone who will love you just as ferociously as you love them. Don’t settle for second best just because it’s comfortable – push yourself to go outside your comfort zone to make sure your romantic needs are met.
If you’re unsure about what you should do next, play the “friend” game. Imagine that a close friend is in the same scenario and asks you for advice. Whatever you would tell your friend to do is probably your best move.