How Do You Win an Argument?

How to Win an Argument: Argue with your Partner Effectively with Collaborative Communication

Unfortunately, arguments are a regular part of life. They happen between friends, co-workers, lovers and family. So it's pretty normal that we might ask 'How to win an argument?'.

Sometimes arguments are over a major transgression, like a cheating spouse or a backstabbing friend. Other times they stem from something silly, like being late to dinner with your parents or watching something on tv. Regardless of nature or severity, heated discussions happen and it’s imperative that you learn how to get over them. And if the other person loses the argument are we REALly winning? Not if it's someone we care about!

Argue, Convince, Persuade or Debate?

Some people may want to win the argument at any cost, they don't care if the heat rises or if they use 'alternative facts'. They will stop at nothing, to argue, convince, persuade or debate. It's almost as if they enjoy the conflict, even if they lose the eventual outcome.' How do you win an argument?' becomes the central theme in their life for that moment.

Where and When Arguments Occur

Starting an argument can occur anywhere and everywhere—whether in traffic, at home, in the workplace, with our partner, with our children, or even with friends. The timing and context of these disagreements vary, but they’re often fueled by stress, unresolved tension, or outside factors. Sometimes alcohol or drugs can escalate a situation, but often, it’s simply a case of people taking out their frustration on those closest to them. Understanding where and why arguments occur can help manage conflicts more effectively.

How Do You Win an Argument...tone it down just a bit!

The Importance of Toning Down Emotion &  Listening

When emotions run high, it’s easy to say things you don’t mean or misinterpret what’s being said. But if you can take a step back and tone down the intensity, real communication becomes possible. Listening—really listening—means setting aside the urge to react instantly and instead focusing on understanding the other person’s perspective. It’s not about ignoring your feelings but making sure they don’t take over the conversation. When both people feel heard and respected, it’s much easier to find common ground and actually solve the issue, rather than just venting frustrations. A calm approach doesn’t mean avoiding tough conversations—it just means handling them in a way that leads to resolution rather than more disagreements.

Calm Relationship Solutions: Acknowledge & Resolve

Every couple faces challenges, but the way you handle them makes all the difference. By acknowledging triggers, managing emotions and focusing on openness, you can turn arguments into opportunities for deeper understanding and stronger connections. You do have the ability to soften concerns of the other person, just by listening and finding something that you both agree upon. Mutual collaboration is a good idea which allows you to decide together how you want things to look in the long run.

Understanding the Triggers

All relationships has its ups and downs, and often, the key to resolving conflict is understanding what sets things off in the first place. Triggers can be past experiences, unmet expectations, or even stress from outside factors like work or family. When emotions run high, it’s easy to react instinctively rather than respond thoughtfully.

The first step is recognizing what causes tension—both for yourself and your other half. Are there specific words, actions, or situations that consistently lead to frustration or hurt feelings? By identifying these patterns, you can start to address them before they escalate.

Once you’re aware of the triggers, conversation becomes easier. Instead of reacting defensively, you can pause, take a breath, and approach the situation with curiosity rather than judgment. Express how you feel honestly but calmly, and listen to your other half with an open mind. This creates space for real understanding and resolution.

At the heart of it, a calm approach to challenges is about working together rather than against each other. When both people feel heard and respected, it’s much easier to find solutions that strengthen their bond rather than strain it.

Finding the Best Solution

In order to find the best solution, you need to pay attention to the other person's body language as well as what is coming out of their mouth. Often these may not be in accordance with each other. The body always tells the truth, even if the mouth doesn't! You can see what the body is doing and if it agrees or not with the sounds that are being made. The body actually can clarify the true situation, if you pay attention.

If you want to get to the best solution in a discussion, don’t just listen to the words—watch the body language too. Sometimes, what someone says and what their body is doing don’t match up, and the body usually tells the real story.

Pay attention to small cues like posture, facial expressions, and gestures. Crossed arms might signal defensiveness, while a relaxed stance can show openness. A furrowed brow could mean confusion, even if the person is saying everything’s fine. But context matters—are they experiencing pressure or genuinely engaged?

To encourage honest conversation, create a safe space where people feel comfortable sharing. Open-ended, non-threatening questions can help them open up. And don’t forget to check your own body language—things like a warm smile, nodding, or steady eye contact can help build trust.

At the end of the day, good communication is about balancing what’s being said with what’s being shown. When you align verbal and nonverbal cues, you’ll have deeper, more productive interactions that lead to real solutions.

Though every argument is different, there are several general steps you can take that help you come to terms with what happened and move on:

Identify the cause of the argument

Before you can start talking about an argument, you have to figure out what actually caused the fight. Sometimes, two people start arguing over one issue and then other issues morph their fight into a totally different discussion. Take some time to reflect on the root cause of the disagreement and then make a list of all the other factors that came into play.

Consider the role you played

Arguments don’t happen between one person - it takes two people to fight. It might be tough to come to terms with, but you played some type of role in causing the argument. Whether it was your mistake that started the fight or you didn’t handle someone else’s mistake well, be honest about how you fueled the fire. If you aren’t sure, ask whomever it is you’re fighting with for their opinion. Maybe you didn't even say much at all, but that was enough to light a fuse....

The role of the inner child

When the Adult is away, the Inner Child comes out to play—and sometimes, that inner child can be a bit of a bully. Whether it’s the hurt inner child throwing a tantrum or curling up into a ball sobbing. Additionally and most often, it's  the angry inner child lashing out, these emotional wounds go way beyond the present moment. They’re rooted deep within our psyche, often tracing back to early childhood experiences. These energies even go beyond that back to the energy we carry from the womb, past lives, or inherited ancestral trauma. These wounds are powerful because they’re unconscious, buried in layers of emotional history, waiting for an opportunity to surface. When you let your emotions out without any filter, they could come from almost anywhere. Perhaps they are not even yours!  When bringing up something, you could be literally channeling your parents or your ancestors.

So, when an argument erupts, it's not just about the issue at hand—it’s about unresolved hurt, fear, and anger from the past that gets triggered. It takes two to tango: where there’s an angry inner child in one person, there’s often a hurt inner child on the receiving end. The emotional cycle is self-perpetuating—one child retreats, wounded and feeling unworthy, while the other lashes out in defense, trying to protect what feels vulnerable. These emotional reactions feed each other, creating a loop of emotional intensity that can be difficult to break. Before long, the argument becomes less about the present and more about old, unhealed wounds that have been carried for lifetimes, sometimes without either party even realizing it.

Talk it out skills

This step is usually the most challenging. Yes, it can be difficult to talk through an argument about an uncomfortable subject, and there are probably still negative feelings between the two of you, but it’s important for you and the other party to talk about what happened so you can start to move on. Be open, be honest and be kind - there is no need for harsh language or insulting comments.

Approach the interaction with a willingness to listen as much as you speak. Active listening—really hearing what the other person is saying without interrupting or preparing your response in your head—can make a huge difference. Use “I” statements to express your feelings without placing blame, such as “I felt hurt when…” instead of “You always…” to keep the discussion constructive. Stay calm, even if emotions rise, and take a break if needed to avoid saying something in the heat of the moment. Patience, empathy, and a genuine effort to understand the other person’s perspective will help you both find a resolution and move forward with mutual respect.

Move on

Moving forward from an argument doesn’t mean that the other person was right or that you forgot about the disagreement you had. It simply means that you value the relationship more than whatever disagreement caused the fight. Forgive, but don’t forget - use what you learned from the argument to improve the relationship in the future.

Prevent future arguments

The most important part of moving on is applying what you learned from the argument in the future. Whether you have to adjust the way you communicate with a certain person or avoid a topic altogether, knowing how to side step future arguments will pay off.

Understanding Your Partner's Point of View

No, you don't have to agree. You can agree to disagree!

When emotions run high, it’s easy to say things you don’t mean or misinterpret what’s being said. But if you can take a step back and tone down the intensity, real communication becomes possible. Listening—really listening—means setting aside the urge to react instantly and instead focusing on understanding the other person’s perspective. In my opinion, it's the mark of a mature personality - knowing that you can put your feelings to the side for a moment whilst you listen to someone disagreeing with you.  It’s not about ignoring your feelings but making sure they don’t take over the conversation. You can always deal with your feelings later.

When both people feel heard and respected, it’s much easier to find common ground and actually solve the issue, rather than just venting frustrations. A peaceful approach doesn’t mean avoiding tough conversations—it just means handling them in a way that leads to resolution rather than more hostility. ' ' How do you win an argument, becomes more about how do you both win?

So How Do You Win an Argument?

For most arguments, follow the steps above to work it out and move on. Life is too short to hold petty grudges against the people you care for most, and overcoming arguments will help you feel more at peace with your own life, too. It's really not a win, if you make the other person wrong. It's better for both of you to come to insight and awareness about the the true situation. Sometimes those realisations come when you're alone and reviewing the situation later. Sometimes, they never come. Perhaps, these are the limits of being human - we can't win every situation even if we give it our all trying to convince the other person.

In reality, there isn’t a resolution to every argument. There are definitely some fights that can’t be reversed, the kind that end friendships and even romantic relationships. But disagreements of this severity are rare and typically stem from a collection of issues. In these cases, you may need an outside person with compassion and without judgement, to help negotiate a compromise. This could be a psychologist or couples therapist. Whoever you choose should be very experienced in relationship therapy. Advanced conflict resolution skills are required in these situations.

In summary, in my opinion care for your partner even if you think they're wrong! And they very well may be!  You won't REALly win an argument if their self-esteem and confidence is damaged because you have to be right. Honestly, is it worth it to win every argument? Surely, you both lose? It's best to pick your battles. Decide what are your core values are and stick to them without fail. Allow the other person to be right on matters that are not very consequential to you.

If you want some more insight on how to move on from an argument, why not order an email psychic reading or get a psychic reading by phone from one of our talented Australian psychics? Our psychic line is open 24/7.

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