High Expectations – Why Being REAListic is Important

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Free Yourself from High Expectations

The Unrealistic Expectation of High Expectations

For the past 35 years I have been working as a psychic. Up until recently and for many years, I have read with Absolute Soul Secrets. People have high expectations. The essence of the calls I receive are related to people who are in conflict with love, work, family, friends and money. They maybe feeling disappointment in failing to achieve what they expected or imagined for their lives. The reality is that their internal conflict is brought about by their own or other peoples’ expectations. Often they were not entirely realistic about the chances of their success and were then disappointed.


Expectations when taken and projected onto a global scene have severe consequences. The “wars” raging currently and in the past on our planet are all down to each side’s expectations. Take the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and the war in Ukraine, these are about who gets what land. And how it’s controlled with both sides and splinter groups within each having their own set expectations.

We are all dying slowly on this ‘cross of expectation’, nailed to it by our own belief system. We allow ourselves to be imposed upon by our loved ones, our jobs, friends and life in general. It’s time to free yourself from the pain of high expectations.

What is Expectation? It is defined as believing that something is going to happen. It’s believing that something should be a certain way, our way of believing of course. We make ourselves the Judge and Jury and are completely comfortable with that thinking.

When High Expectations are Unrealistic

What brought this article to life, was nothing earth shattering like a war but simply a Tai Chi course. I had been looking forward to this for a number of years. Finally I found the time to do it, pushing more into my day than I should have (as we all tend to do these days). I had the expectation that I could manage it. Wrong, with hindsight, that decision was an excessive expectation on my part. It was like the straw that broke the camel’s back.

I went into the ten week, level one course of Tai Chi with the expectation that it would promote better health, improve concentration and self-defence skills. I expected an overarching sense of well-being. There is an old Chinese saying: “Whoever practises Tai Chi regularly will in time gain the suppleness of a child, the strength of a lion, and the peace of mind of a sage.”

Classes started at 7.30pm on a weekday. I finished work at 7.00pm, I got there just in time. You could say I was tired from my long and demanding day at work. The rushed drive to get there on time was not helping to reduce my stress level. Getting out of my comfort zone in doing something I had never done was also helping to fan the flames of my stress. Foolishly, I hadn’t taken into consideration my lack of any body coordination and how it would affect my learning this new skill.

My beautiful wife Christine will never go on the dance floor with me for fear of the dangers from my two clumsy feet. Christine’s definition of my dance style is summed up in this descriptive manner, “a stick insect on heat.” So you can probably tell that I’m not physically very well coordinated despite my agility in the Spiritual world.

Expecting Too Much of Myself

I exited my first class vowing to myself in very strong internal dialogue that I would never go back. I had allowed my stress level to go through the roof, due to my inability to master what I thought at first looked like a few simple movements. The rest of my class appeared to be doing much better than I, so I couldn’t blame the teacher.

In the following week Christine told me that she had noticed a marked change in my mood. I seemed down and irritable. I told her that something I had looked forward to for so long was turning into a nightmare for me. Should I go back to the course and humiliate myself more or bury a dream that had burned so brightly in me for years and promised to fill me with a deeper level of understanding of myself. In a way the course had already done that but not in the way I had expected. I had high expectations.

I went back to finish my level one. My continuation of the course was due to my teacher at the second lesson telling me he thought I had done well in my first lesson. He went on to say that it would take years to master these movements. He smiled at me and said that I had expected too much from myself.

Unrealistic Expectations Are A Thing These Days. It’s Not Just me!

I have an old friend of many years that had just started a new job recently, boy how stressed was he after only one day working there. He told me he was drowning and not coping. After talking to him for a while about this situation I got him to see that both he and his company were expecting too much too soon. He had been dropped in the “deep end” and left to swim on his own. The person he was replacing had left before my friend had started and had taken the procedure manuals with him when he had left. So key advice on how to handle his situation I found on the internet and passed on to my friend.

So, what to do about “having high expectations” you ask. They are a part of life! Expectations do, however, produce anxiety and increase our stress levels. If in our day to day life we evaluate our expectations and where possible keep the excessive ones in check. Or if we are lucky re-calibrate our thinking altogether, our stress levels will be reduced. We will be able to allow more space for gaps within our thought process to form. This will then allow insight from the Universe to flood into us and help guide our path ahead.

The Achievable Way Forward

It’s important to realise that you can live your life finding a new tomorrow by accepting that we all make mistakes. We all feel disappointed and have our self esteem dashed from time to time. This becomes an issue when you continually set yourself up for failure by expecting things to happen in very particular and certain ways. Trying to maintain so much control in your life doesn’t leave Spirit any space to work their magic in the gaps of your life.

It’s probable your expectations are too high if you honestly think you won’t make plenty of mistakes in life. While it’s great to have high aspirations, chances are you’re not perfect (and neither am I) and relinquishing or at least reevaluating your expectations towards certain life goals might actually be healthier for you.

Best not allow your life be governed by “excessive expectations”. It’s time to let go of the idea that we must strive to meet the expectations of others and even ourselves. Setting high expectations can damage our mental health. Try living life without expectations that are too high to achieve and see how you go. At the very least, endeavour to lower your expectations as a first step. This will improve your sense of self-worth and lower your stress levels.

Realistic Aspirations

Constantly living your life trying to please others is something you don’t need to do. Living by your own conscious volition could help you much more. Setting high standards and expectations make us feel less than, when we fail to reach those lofty ideals due to the practicalities of everyday life. You’ll feel less disappointed if you set a goal that is manageable and doesn’t place unnecessary pressure on you! Focusing too much on an end result, rather than enjoying the journey can make you feel the pressure of failure if it doesn’t work out.  Having high expectations can also be futile and could end up making you feel unwell or want to quit altogether.

Anticipation and imagining that you’re doing well is a good thing when you have your feet on the ground and you’re grounded in practical reality.  It’s all about balancing your expectations toward what you want to do with the limitations of life and just being a human. Feel good about yourself by biting off the optimal amount that you can actually chew. Uplift and motivate yourself to wash away rigid negative thoughts that for the most part are judgmental.

You’ll perform well when you’re not overly stressed or irritated. When you realize that no matter how much you may want certain things in life….the Universe provides us with what we need, not necessarily what we want. Just like in the Rolling Stones song “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”.

Let go and trust the Universe.


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Author: Thomas