Many women are drawn to men who need fixing; they enjoy a challenge and seek out potential partners who they can rescue.
A true rescuer attaches herself to her partner and dedicates a lot of her time and energy to helping him turn his life around. They put their partners’ needs before their own and routinely sacrifice their wellbeing for the sake of their partner. But this habit can be incredibly harmful – most of these men aren’t looking to be rescued, and many are simply unavailable emotionally.
More often than not, a rescuer’s partner seems to have enormous potential at first. But once they feel comfortable, they show their true self – lazy, unmotivated, aggressive, controlling, unhappy or hopeless. Many of these men struggle with a severe mental issue, like depression or bi polar disorder, or an addiction to drugs, alcohol or gambling.
People who are not considered rescuers might wonder why any woman would stay with a man like this. Rescuers see men like this as a challenge – they think they can fix the issues that are preventing the man from living a happy, successful life. Once a rescuer commits, she puts her relationship above everything else and can even become obsessed with her partner.
Some rescuers develop their habit in childhood. Their family dynamic forced them to care for a sibling or even older relative, establishing the constant care of others as the norm. Other rescuers date a few men who need help changing, and the women become addicted to this dynamic.
The good news is that rescuers have the ability to change their harmful behavior. First, they must recognise their attraction to “broken” men. Then they have to realise that they can’t fix these men and that they deserve a partner who is able to care for and better himself.
Next, they need to learn how to find men who are already on the right path. This can be done by asking female friends and family members who are in stable relationships for advice, and finding out what qualities they look for in a potential partner.
Another way to overcome rescuer tendencies is to establish daily affirmations. “I deserve a man who is in a good place in life,” “I am worthy of quality love,” and “I cannot help those who do not want to be helped” are some examples of useful affirmations. Recovering rescuers should also focus on using more positive language when describing themselves and the type of man they’d like to meet.
The most important, and usually most challenging part of outgrowing the rescuer mindset? Walking away from a man who isn’t in a good place in life and who you feel like you have to fix to be relationship material.
Rescuers should commit themselves to finding more suitable men and ignoring men who need help. If you consider yourself a rescuer and would like to break the habit, give one of the Absolute Soul Secrets psychics a call today. They can provide insight into the type of man you should be looking for and help guide you down the right path.