6 Signs of a Toxic Relationship
A toxic relationship is one that slowly wears you down - whether it’s through controlling behaviour, manipulation, constant criticism or feeling like you’re always walking on eggshells. It chips away at your self-worth and leaves you second-guessing yourself. Spotting toxic relationship signs early is so important, because the longer it goes on, the harder it can be to see clearly. Recognising those red flags early can help you protect your emotional well-being and start making choices that actually feel good for you.
Unhealthy vs Healthy Relationship
In unhealthy romantic relationships, one or both people in the relationship experience low self-esteem, making it difficult to set boundaries and protect themselves from further harm. A toxic partner may exhibit signs such as possessiveness, gaslighting, and verbal abuse, which can escalate to an abusive relationship. These relationships drain emotional energy and offer a lack of support when most needed.
On the other hand, healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, emotional support and effective communication. While it might be tempting to think they’ll change, it’s important to recognise toxic relationship signs early on and make the difficult decision to end the relationship if necessary. Victims often believe they can’t have a relationship without enduring some form of bad behaviour, but this is far from the truth. Building self-confidence allows us to avoid falling into toxic relationships and promotes healthier interactions.
Understanding a Toxic Relationship
A toxic relationship is one where things just don’t feel safe or supportive - emotionally, mentally, or even physically. It might start okay, but over time you begin to feel drained, anxious, or like you’re never quite enough. Sometimes it’s one partner showing toxic behaviour, like being controlling or manipulative. But other times it becomes a pattern between both people. Either way, it can really mess with your self-esteem and emotional well-being and it’s important to notice those signs before they take a more significant toll.
Is Your Partner's Toxic Behaviour a Sign You're in a Toxic Relationship?
Take a moment to reflect on these questions:
- Do you often feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your partner?
- Are you frequently criticised or belittled, even for small things?
- Do you feel like your opinions or emotions are dismissed or invalidated?
- Does your partner try to control where you go, who you talk to, or what you do?
- Do you feel emotionally drained or exhausted after interactions with your partner?
- Are you constantly second-guessing yourself, feeling confused, or questioning your reality?
- Do you find yourself apologising often, even when you haven’t done anything wrong?
- Do you feel like you’re always trying to fix things, but nothing ever improves?
- Do you feel unsafe?
If you answered "yes" to most of these questions, it could be a sign that you’re in a toxic relationship. Constant manipulation, emotional neglect, and a lack of support are key indicators that the dynamic is unhealthy. It's important to acknowledge these red flags so you can take steps toward reclaiming your peace, setting boundaries, and seeking the support you deserve.
Are Constant Disagreements a Sign too?
Constant disagreements can be more than just the occasional difference of opinion - they can actually be a sign of something deeper in the relationship. If you and your partner find yourselves fighting all the time, over everything, or if you’re never able to reach a resolution, it could mean there’s a lack of communication or respect. Sometimes, it’s not even about the issue at hand - it’s about how you both handle conflict. If arguments leave you feeling drained, unheard, or even more disconnected, it’s a sign that the relationship might not be as healthy as it seems. Healthy relationships aren’t about avoiding disagreements entirely, but they are about learning how to navigate them in a way that makes both people feel valued and heard. If it feels like every conversation turns into a battle, it might be time to take a step back and ask yourself why that’s happening.
Relationship Patterns You Don’t Realise Are Red Flags
Frequent Unresolved Arguments
Constant disagreements never seem to resolve, leaving you both frustrated and emotionally drained.
Emotional Withdrawal
One partner frequently shuts down or withdraws emotionally, leaving the other feeling neglected and unsupported.
Imbalance of Effort
When one person does all the work in maintaining the relationship, leading to feelings of exhaustion or resentment.
Dismissive Attitudes
Small issues are downplayed or ignored, while bigger problems are brushed aside as if they don’t matter.
Playing the Victim
One partner consistently portrays themselves as the victim, refusing to take accountability for their actions.
Power Struggles
Continuous attempts to “win” arguments, create a toxic dynamic where both people are more focused on being right than understanding each other.
Lack of Growth
The relationship seems to be stuck, with both partners unable or unwilling to evolve, leading to feelings of stagnation.
Unspoken Expectations
One partner has expectations that aren’t communicated, leaving the other to guess or feel inadequate.
Over Dependence
Relying on each other for emotional or practical needs to an unhealthy extent prevents both people from maintaining individual independence.
6 Signs of a Toxic Relationship and Emotional Abuse
Now I say signs to be aware of, because a lot of these signs can be quite hard to detect. At times toxic relationship include signs being overlooked as misunderstandings, someone having a ‘bad day’ etc. As mentioned, these types of behaviours are not always on display early on in the relationship. They often become more frequent and build with intensity over time.
Lack of trust
You constantly feel suspicious, or your partner doesn’t respect your privacy, creating an environment of doubt rather than security. It might show up as snooping through your personal messages, questioning your every move, or making accusations without reason. Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship and when it’s consistently broken, it leaves you feeling uncertain and on edge. This lack of trust can erode your sense of safety, making it harder to feel emotionally secure or open with your partner.
Negative mindset
Constant drama, being surrounded by negativity and blame, unprofessional conduct in the workplace and feeling undermined are also tell-tale signs of a toxic relationship.
As you can see there are many ways these signs can present themselves. Once they become more consistent, you may often find yourself thinking you are just going through a rough patch. Unfortunately, the consistency of this behaviour wears you down on all levels and your self-doubt and lack of self-worth start creeping in and taking over. You end up losing yourself to someone who is always going to be one step ahead of you. Sometimes, you may become co-dependent on this person as you lose all belief in yourself and your abilities.
Manipulative behaviour
There is usually one person in the relationship who will feel the need to have the upper hand, power and control over the relationship. There's also a need for emotional manipulation which is often born out of their fears and or lack of self-worth. This can manifest into nasty, negative or passive-aggressive behaviour. Jealousy, blame, criticism, someone taking credit for your efforts in the workplace, constant put-downs and being belittled are all very common traits of a toxic relationship.
The one who appears to have the upper hand or control in this relationship will often target certain characteristics that you are already self-conscious about. And let me tell you, if you weren’t lacking self-confidence before becoming involved in a toxic relationship, you will be by the time you are finished!
Isolation
When someone tries to influence you to cut off contact from support networks, friends or family - this is a real red flag. This often results in you feeling more dependent on them and isolated from others. It's a method of subtly undermining your relationships with loved ones, making you feel guilty for spending time with others. Sometimes they try to convince you that no one else understands you as they do. Over time, you may find yourself feeling increasingly alone, as your world becomes smaller and your sense of independence diminishes. This is a tactic often used by abusers to control and manipulate, leaving you feeling isolated and reliant on the toxic partner.
Not There When You Need Them
Emotional unavailability (as in avoidance, ignorance, silent treatment and sulking are also characteristics to be aware of. Emotional blackmail, such as threats regarding the longevity of the relationship or even the fear alone. Even breaking up in some cases, can be enough to give this person the power trip they are seeking.
Disrespect or Belittling
Constant criticism or insults, whether subtle or obvious, erode your self-esteem and leave you feeling unworthy or misunderstood. It might start with small jabs disguised as jokes, but over time, these comments chip away at your confidence. Whether it's mocking your appearance, intelligence or opinions, this behaviour creates an atmosphere where you feel like you're never enough. The more you're belittled, the harder it becomes to feel valued in the relationship and you may start doubting your worth, even outside of the relationship. Respect is essential, and when it’s absent, it leaves lasting emotional scars.
When it's Time to Say Goodbye when the Relationship is Toxic
Letting go of a toxic relationship can be a big deal. Releasing toxic people and experiences in your life is a major step towards a happy and productive life. Sadly, many people have either experienced a toxic relationship or know someone who has. And sometimes on more than one occasion! Anyone who has experienced a toxic relationship will tell you it is a very slow and confusing path to the suffocation of your soul. Your very being! These types of relationships often build with toxic intensity over time, slowly but surely eroding your confidence and your spirit as it grows.
It is important to understand that not all of these relationships are of the romantic variety. You can be in a toxic relationship with anyone from your partner, friend, parent/s, work colleague, children and anyone in-between that you interact with. There are many different signs and symptoms that can define this unhealthy type of relationship. However, some signs are quite uniform across the board and are often born out of the need for control.
Why It’s So Hard to Leave an Unhealthy Relationship
Leaving an unhealthy relationship can feel so tough, even when you know deep down it’s not good for you. There’s often a strong emotional and psychological pull - whether it’s love, fear of being alone, or guilt about letting the other person down. On top of that, toxic relationships can make you doubt yourself, which keeps you stuck in a cycle. It’s scary thinking about the unknown or starting over. But at the end of the day, your emotional health and happiness need to come first. It might be hard, but it’s so worth it.
What to Do if You’re in a Toxic Relationship
If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, the first step is recognising it’s time for a change. Acknowledge the unhealthy patterns and permit yourself to prioritise and focus on self-care and well-being. Start by setting clear boundaries and communicating your feelings, but remember, it’s okay if things don’t improve immediately. Seek support from trusted friends, family or a counsellor who can offer perspective and guidance. Focus on your own self-care and rebuilding your self-esteem. This might be through therapy, journaling, or other activities that help you reconnect with yourself. Above all, trust that you deserve a healthy, loving relationship and know that you’re strong enough to take the steps toward a better future.
When Is the Right Time to Seek the Help of a Relationship Counsel?
It’s time to seek a relationship counsellor if communication has broken down, arguments are escalating, or you both feel stuck and unheard. If you’re feeling emotionally drained or unsure about the future, professional support can help clarify things. Counselling also helps improve your connection and can guide you in making the best decisions for your well-being.
Free Resources to Seek Help
No matter where you are in the world, there are free resources available to support you. International helplines like Lifeline (Australia), Samaritans (UK), and National Domestic Violence Hotline (USA) offer confidential support for those in crisis. Online platforms like 7 Cups provide free emotional support through trained listeners and many organisations offer online support groups. Additionally, many non-profits and community health centres provide free or low-cost counselling services globally. If you're unsure where to turn, a quick search for local mental health support in your area can connect you with resources tailored to your needs. Taking the step to reach out can be a lifeline during challenging times.
Improving your self-esteem
One of the main reasons you may find yourself in a toxic relationship is due to a lack of self-esteem, lack of self-worth or outdated beliefs about what your 'deservability'. Basically, by the law of attraction, you will attract or be attracted to people with similar thoughts, feelings emotional beliefs and vibrational energy. The early attraction will often overshadow the negative struggle for a position that goes undetected to begin with. Once that has become established, the ‘signs’ start creeping into more and more of your time spent together. This often confirming your earlier outdated beliefs of ‘I knew this was all I deserved’.
How to Let Go?
As mentioned, the relationship is often quite well established by the time this has become a noticeable problem. Some of us can’t see the pattern and continue to work harder at being better at pleasing the other person, while forgoing our own happiness. Some, on the other hand, don’t want to see what is really happening.
Remember your own fears and insecurities may very well keep you stuck. You may fear if you end this relationship, nothing better may come alone. Don't let that fear stop you from achieving healthy and happy relationships any longer. Unfortunately, this is often why people repeat the same process and find themselves in and out of toxic relationships and environments.
A Recurring Pattern...
You may step away from one, only to attract another because you still have the same outdated beliefs and the harsh words of others reminding you ‘this is all you deserve’. The old saying of what you put out, is what you get back is so true in these cases. If you are not feeling good about yourself, chances are you will attract someone who will magnify that for you through disrespect and very little consideration for you in general.
Anyone who has been involved in the soul-destroying experience of a toxic relationship would tell you they would rather be alone than be with someone who makes them feel worthless and unhappy.
Instead of feeling that you must continue to endure this confusion in case nothing else comes along, use this time to set some boundaries for yourself. If you have old hurts that no longer support you and your direction, take some steps toward healing and releasing these outdated emotional hurts from your past.
Final Thoughts on Letting Go of a Toxic Relationship
As mentioned earlier, stepping away from toxic people and experiences in your life is such a huge step in the direction of a happy and productive life, decide to take that first step today. You will feel more confident in yourself and your life experiences. You will start making better choices in your life and have belief in yourself again. Not only will you start to notice life becoming easier and flowing more smoothly, but you will also notice more positive people and experiences are coming to you as well.
No one wants to be unhappy and weighed down by someone else's needs to dictate to you and make you feel less of a person in the process. Take the time to reflect and be truthful with yourself about the health of your relationship. If you are unhappy because it is toxic, honour yourself and strive for something better. It is out there and you deserve it.
What resonated with you from this article? If you’re feeling uncertain or seeking clarity, reach out to Absolute Soul Secrets for personalised guidance and start your journey toward deeper self-awareness and alignment today!
