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How to Say No with Confidence

Image of business woman holding a sign saying no. She's wearing black reading glasses peering over the sign.

How to Say No With Confidence: Fostering Strong Self-Esteem

“When you say ‘YES’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘NO’ to yourself.” – Paulo Coelho.

If you are someone who struggles to say no, then rest assured you are not alone. Many people end up frustrated, time-poor, overwhelmed, exhausted, depressed, late etc because they have said yes when they really wanted to say NO. Most of us are wired to be of assistance, whenever we can, however, this quality can become something that others take for granted. Sometimes people expect, manipulate, and try to make you feel guilty if you don’t say yes to them.

A Way to Say ‘No’ Without Guilt

Being able to confidently say NO, without the guilt can be difficult to do at the best of times. However, there are ways you can practise becoming more confident. You can build your self-esteem and not feel any guilt for your choices. I don’t want to make it sound as though helping or giving is a bad thing. It isn’t! If you spread yourself too thin, too often, it can become a problem. In turn, you can drive yourself to misery while everyone happily thrives around you.

By taking a step back from your busy ‘help others’ schedule, you will become more aware of just how much of your precious time you give away!! You will be amazed!

A happy woman with long curly black hair. On the palms of her hands she has written the words " I Love Me".

Once again you don’t have to stop saying yes, or helping out altogether. However you will begin to notice the benefits from giving to yourself first, and then sharing what you have left with others. You will begin feeling better and in turn, your self-esteem will begin to grow. You will feel clearer and less stressed as you take care of yourself first. The heaviness of constantly being tired, overwhelmed, angry, resentful, etc, soon becomes replaced by a more positive and clearer perspective. This will have a snowball type of effect in your life and in the quality of your choices in the future. You will be able to say no with confidence.

Self-Esteem = Self Belief

Your self-esteem is basically what you believe about yourself, your value, and your self-worth. You actually make your choices and decisions based on your beliefs and self-worth. If you have low self-esteem, you are more likely to put others first (sound familiar?).  You will either struggle to reach your own potential, while you help others to achieve theirs. This will happen again and again.

Don’t Be Put on the Spot! Tips to Help!

Being caught off guard to commit on the spot can lead to frittering away your time. You may not really be aware of the time lost, then you’ll fall into an exhausted heap. Choose to have a process you go through before saying yes. By not having to commit yourself to saying yes right there and then, you are honouring yourself. Allow yourself the time to check if you have any other commitments and/or the time and energy. Suggesting that you need to check your diary/schedule, or that you may need to get back to the person asking for help, is a great way to give yourself a little time to think about yourself and your needs, before you commit to anything else.

Taking some of these simple steps will help free up your time and energy. This will allow you to spend more time achieving your own goals. You not only feel good about claiming your own power back,  you’ll also allow those constantly asking for help, the opportunity to step up and help themselves. I like to remind myself to lead by example… create the changes you want to see.

Prioritise Yourself

As your self-esteem grows, so does your confidence in yourself, and your decisions. You will see changes in how you handle certain situations, decisions and choices. You will see how doing what is best for you creates less stress and tension in your life and you will find strategies that work for you. These strategies will eventually become your natural way of thinking in time. Just as I mentioned earlier about having a process of checking your diary or getting back to someone about being available to help out, all of these new yet simple little changes become such a natural way of thinking, that you find a smooth and steady flow to your life.

You Might Outgrow Others

As your positive choices start to change the way you treat yourself, you will feel in control of your direction, including what you will and won’t say yes to. It’s important to note that as you implement these simple changes in your thoughts and beliefs about yourself, you might sense a shift in your connections. You could be outgrowing some friends, workmates, or even family members. This is a natural part of your process of change. Remember you are not only changing how you do things on the inside… you are changing your beliefs and values about yourself. Those who start to drop away may be the very people who were running you ragged, wanting your constant assistance and attention in the first place.

The words "It's OK to say no" written in black and red text on a notebook

Image of 2 mature women with light blonde hair hugging each other and smiling

A woman with brown hair relaxing in a hammock reading a book

Attract People Who Appreciate You for YOU!

Acknowledge all of the changes as they take place. Don’t fear them, remember you are progressing into new territory with more confidence, and you are able to step back and observe and reassess anytime you like.

Now that you are naturally thinking from a more empowered and positive perspective, you will start trying new things and meeting new people. You may even find yourself planning ahead. You will have more consistency in what you are wanting to achieve. These changes are a result of you realising your own self-worth and deservedness. These changes are going to allow you to attract people into your life who appreciate you for who you are, not what you can do for them.

Those people you have outgrown or who once manipulated you have likely found someone else to say ‘yes’ to them. They have found someone else to control and guilt into doing what they want.  This is a part of who they are, or who they have become. Leave them to it. Get on with what is important to you! Watch your own actions and choices pave the way for your life to flourish – GUILT FREE.

The truth is, as you feel better in yourself, you will actually start enjoying helping others more than when you were feeling flustered and exhausted. Create the balance you desire in your life with a happy heart and watch everyone benefit.

Don’t be Made to Feel Guilty

Don’t be made to feel guilty or manipulated into something you don’t want to do. Book a call today with the gifted psychic readers at Absolute Soul Secrets who can guide you on how to step away from others who burn you out or expect too much. You will come away with clarity and feel more empowered about your decisions, your choices, and your life.


Rose Smith
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