How Many Dates Before You Have Sex?
When dating someone new, one of the biggest questions you might ask is: How many dates before you have sex? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer - timing depends on emotional connection, sexual tension, personal values and comfort levels. While there’s no magic number, understanding your own boundaries and the nature of the connection can help you decide when the time feels right. So, how many dates should you go on before having sex? Let’s explore.
The First Date: Setting the Stage for Connection
The first date is usually about building rapport and seeing if there's potential. Some people feel intense attraction right away, but acting on it isn’t always the best move. While sexual chemistry might be strong, emotional connection takes time. Having sex early in new relationships can work for some. However, others find waiting a few weeks before having sex builds trust and clarity - especially if long-term love is the goal. Some people might even wait months or a set number of dates. Others are cautious about sex and dating, thinking that having sex too soon might disadvantage them somehow in long term relationships. Remember: even if attraction is mutual, consent and emotional readiness matter more for great sex.
The Three-Date Rule: Debunking Myths About Timing
The so-called three dates rule suggests it’s fine to wait until the third date to have sex with a new partner, assuming enough time has passed to build comfort and connection. For some, it works. For others, it feels rushed. This guideline isn’t a hard and fast rule - it’s just pop culture advice. What really matters is how you feel, not how many dates you’ve been on. If you’re not ready, that’s your right. No explanation needed.
The Role of Emotional Intimacy in Sexual Decisions
Emotional intimacy often plays a huge role in deciding when to have sex, especially in long-term relationships. It can be more than just physical attraction - it’s about feeling emotionally safe and seen by your partner. For many people, the ability to be vulnerable and open with someone can amplify the desire for a deeper connection, which can make sex feel more meaningful. According to various sexologists, going on an average of eight dates before sleeping with someone can allow that emotional bond to develop naturally.
It’s important to remember that every relationship is different. Some couples might feel emotionally ready after the third date, while others might need more time before deciding to have sex. There’s no right or wrong here, and certainly no hard and fast rule. Whether it’s five dates or nine dates, what matters most is that both people are enthusiastically consenting and ready to take that next step. Emotional connection often enhances physical intimacy and can contribute to a healthier, more satisfying sex life.
Sex on the First Date: Is It Ever a Good Idea?
The decision to hop into bed right away is ultimately up to the individuals involved. If both partners enthusiastically consent and are comfortable with the decision, then it's a matter for them and them only. However, it’s important to note that casual sex might not always lead to long-term relationships.
One of the challenges with sex on the first date is that it can sometimes blur the line between emotional connection and physical attraction. While the physical chemistry might be strong, it’s essential to ensure that the former matches that energy. If you’re hoping for something more serious, it's wise to ask yourself if you're ready for a deeper commitment and if the person you’re with shares that same vision. For many, the right time to have sex comes only when both partners feel emotionally secure and aligned in their intentions.
The Pressure to Have Sex: How Many Dates Before You Feel Ready to Have Sex with Someone?
In some dating scenarios, the pressure to have sex can be overwhelming. Whether it’s pressure from your partner, societal expectations, or your own feelings, it’s important to recognise that there’s no timeline for when you should start having sex. Sometimes, your own body will pressure you to have sex, especially around ovulation time. If this is not what your mind actually wants, you may feel that your own body is betraying you. If you are a mature woman in perimenopause or menopause, your sex drive might ramp up in an effort to fall pregnant before the last chance disappears. Additionally, you might find yourself going through times of having too much sex! It's all part of the glorious mystery of what it is to be human.
The key is to listen to yourself and honor your boundaries. Knowing when to stop having sex is just as important as knowing when to start. If at any point you feel uncomfortable or pressured, it’s okay to say no. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and consent, and that extends to the physical aspects of the relationship. Consent isn’t just about saying “yes” or “no” at the moment - it’s an ongoing conversation. It's one that involves feeling safe, heard, and respected throughout your time together.
Why Wait to Have Sex? Does Casual Sex Fit Into Dating?
For some people, casual sex is part of their dating experience. It can be fun and fulfilling, or it can become dull and routine. Men can sometimes suffer erectile dysfunction if casual dating and sex are done to excess. Whatever boat you're in, it’s essential to understand what you want out of it and what your partner expects as well.
Casual sex is often more about mutual desire and consent than emotional intimacy, but it’s important to communicate clearly and ensure that both parties are on the same page. It can also come with risks, such as sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or emotional complications. It's essential to practice safe sex and communicate openly with your partner about your sexual health. If you're hopping into bed with someone new, make sure you're both protected and aware of the risks involved. Additionally, keep in mind that what works for one person may not work for another. Every person has different expectations and comfort levels.
Sexual Health: Protecting Yourself and Your Partner
When you’re starting to date someone new, sexual health should be a priority for both individuals. Ensuring that both parties are informed and proactive about protection, such as using condoms or getting tested for sexually transmitted infections (STIs), is essential. Discussing sexual health openly is a sign of mutual respect and care for each other’s well-being. If you’re thinking about starting a sexual relationship with someone, make sure you’ve both agreed on how to stay safe and protect yourselves from potential risks.
Sexual health isn’t just about preventing STIs - it’s also about emotional and physical well-being. Knowing that you’re in a safe and consensual space to explore your sexuality will make the experience more enjoyable and meaningful. Whether you decide to wait until after a few dates or after many dates, prioritising sexual health ensures that both you and your partner can enjoy a healthy and fulfilling sex life.
The Importance of Boundaries around Safe Sexual Activity
Establishing clear boundaries is essential for safe, respectful and fulfilling sexual experiences. What feels acceptable and enjoyable to one person might be a total dealbreaker for another - and that’s completely valid. For some, dealbreakers may include drug or alcohol use during intimacy, watching or relying on porn, being spoken to disrespectfully, or any form of coercion or violence, including slapping, choking, or degradation.
Others may draw the line at emotional unavailability, dishonesty, or a lack of aftercare. The key is knowing your own non-negotiables and feeling confident enough to express them before becoming physically involved. Healthy sex is grounded in mutual respect, open communication and enthusiastic, ongoing consent - not just in the moment, but before, during and after intimacy. If your boundaries are crossed, you are never obligated to continue. You always have the right to say “no” or “I’ve changed my mind.” Trust, safety and respect should be the foundation of every sexual encounter.
Choking and Sex - a Necessary Realty Check
It shouldn't have to be said - and yet here we are, spelling out “please don’t strangle each other during sex”... this is an unexpected public service announcement!
Let’s be clear: choking someone during sex without their explicit, enthusiastic consent is not edgy, it’s not dominant and it’s not sexy. It’s assault. And far too often, it’s happening to young women who are afraid to speak up or unsure if what just happened was “normal.” It’s not. The popularisation of choking as some kind of routine bedroom move - fueled by porn, social media and clueless bravado - is not just dangerous, it’s dehumanising. If you lay hands on someone’s neck without them asking you to, you’re not being powerful. You’re being a violent dickhead! It's mostly men doing this, but the 'VD' tag goes for anyone choking another.
If someone’s desperate to experiment with breath, there are centuries-old spiritual traditions built around doing exactly that - safely. Go try rebirthing, breathwork, pranayama. Just don’t confuse crushing someone’s throat with enlightenment.
What the Research Says About Timing and Sex
If you’re wondering how many dates people wait before having sex, you’re not alone. Studies have tried to pin down the "average" number of dates couples go on before becoming sexually active. While there's no universal number, research suggests people often wait until around the fifth to eighth date. In fact, some surveys say people wait an average of eight dates before they start having sex, while others report that a significant percent had sex either on the first date or within the first three.
The truth? People wait different amounts of time. Some follow the old-school three-date rule, while others believe the timing of sex depends entirely on the relationship’s vibe. Some may engage in sexual activity after many dates, and others may feel the sexual chemistry is right from the start. Data also shows that rushing into things can sometimes lead to confusion or mismatched expectations. So while stats can be interesting, remember: it’s all about what feels right for you and your new partner.
More Tips about the Number of Dates Before Sex and How Long You Should Wait
To spare an awkward conversation the morning after, there are five things everyone should do before you sleep with anyone:
1. Figure out what you want out of the relationship
Are you okay with a one-night stand, or are you looking for an actual relationship? You need to determine what you’re looking for with this person, whether it’s a casual fling or a long-term courtship.
2. Identify your level of interest
Sure, it may be nice to have a serious romantic partner, but will you be crushed if this relationship doesn’t pan out? Have an honest discussion with yourself about your feelings for them - it will save you heartache in the end.
3. Have a conversation with them
Once you know what you want and how invested you are in getting it, you can talk and find out where that person is at. If you’re shy about your own feelings, simply ask them how they feel about you. Give them a chance to respond before you start talking.
4. Determine the trust factor
So you’ve had a conversation about feelings and it seems like you’re both on the same page. The next important question you have to ask yourself is, “Do I trust them?” As difficult as it can be to hear, some people often say things they don’t mean to get someone into bed. Before you sleep with them, you need to make sure you trust them.
5. Be safe
There’s a lot more that goes into sex than emotion, and it’s crucial that you plan accordingly to make sure you and your partner are safe. If you’re not in a committed relationship, you have absolutely no assurance that they are not sleeping with anyone else. And even if you're in a committed relationship you might not even have that assurance anyway. Whatever the situation, you do need to protect yourself accordingly.
Once you’ve done these five things, you’re much more likely to have a positive experience than you would had you blindly slept with them and hoped for the best. You can never guarantee your feelings won’t get hurt or prevent heartache for sure, but at least you’ll know that you did what you could to make the experience a good one for everyone.
When is it Time to Have Sex - Final Thoughts
When it comes to love and dating, your energy is one of your most precious gifts. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and rush to give yourself fully to someone new. However the truth is, not every connection deserves that kind of investment right away. Think of your energy like a delicate flame; it needs to be protected and nurtured so it can burn bright and warm when it’s truly worth it.
If you want to save a little patience and care for someone who genuinely values you, you might be more likely to feel the joy and fulfillment that comes from a deep, meaningful connection - rather than the burnout and heartbreak that come from giving too much too soon to the wrong person. But you'll figure it out and it's completely your choice as to what you do. When you’re thoughtful about where you put your heart and your time, you give yourself the best chance to grow something beautiful that lasts, if that's what you want.
Are you considering sleeping with someone, but unsure if it’s a good idea? Our psychics can provide all the answers you’re looking for with a phone reading. Give us a call today! Go to www.absolutesoulsecrets.com for the phone number for your country to speak to one of our gifted psychics.
Posted in Relationships
Author: Rose Smith
