Every relationship has its problems, some more severe than others. One of the most common issues couples face in relationships is finding a balance between being concerned and controlling.
Are you worried that your partner might be too controlling? See how many of the below statements apply to you and your relationship:
- I frequently find myself asking for my partner’s permission.
- My partner makes most of the decisions in our relationship.
- I’ve stopped seeing or talking to people at my partner’s request.
- My friends and family have expressed concern for my partner’s controlling ways.
- I am scared to go against my partner’s wishes.
If you feel that more than one of these statements describes your relationship, it’s highly likely that your partner is overly controlling. This doesn’t mean that you need to end your relationship, it just means that you and your partner need to have a serious discussion about his or her controlling nature.
First, pick an appropriate time to discuss this with your partner. It should be in a quiet place without other people around, and both of you should have ample time to talk. It’s best if you’re both in a good mood and haven’t had anything to drink as alcohol can affect temperament and perception.
To begin your discussion, you should express how you feel about your partner and explain how much you love and appreciate them. You can describe the qualities you love about them and even rehash fun times you’ve had together. After you feel like the ground has been set, you should calmly state that you feel like they control you and your relationship, and that it’s something you would like to work on with them.
It may be helpful to have specific examples of times you felt controlled by them or felt like your voice wasn’t heard when making an important decision. Be careful not to berate your partner or come off as if you’ve written out a list of their mistakes, but make sure that they understand where you’re coming from.
You should allow your partner to defend himself or herself, but make sure they aren’t just giving excuses. There’s a fine line between someone looking out for your best interests and someone trying to act as puppet master, and it’s crucial that you decide where your partner falls on this line.
Unfortunately, some people are just controlling in nature. If you come to learn that your partner is simply a controlling person, it’s up to you to decide if you want to stay in the relationship. Consider how their controlling tendencies have affected you so far and ask yourself if it’s something you’d be willing to put up with for the rest of your life.
On the flip side, your partner may realise the error of his or her ways and promise to let you live your own life. If this is the case in your relationship, proceed with caution: controlling is a hard quality to overcome, but it can be done. Moving forward, you should say something if your partner tries to control you and have an honest discussion about it each time it happens. If you work together, you can resolve your problems and have a happy, open relationship.