When Your Friends and Family Don’t Like Your Partner: Relationship Help

mother in yellow jumper and short grey hair looking unhappy at her daughter and partner

When Your Friends and Family Don’t Like Your Partner: Read this for Relationship Help

It is a common scenario for friends and family to not approve of a romantic partner. This can be due to a variety of reasons such as differences in values, personalities, or lifestyles. In some cases, those close to you may have genuine concerns about the relationship and your well-being.

However, it is important to remember that ultimately, the decision of who you associate with lies with you, the individual. While it can be difficult to listen to the opinions of friends or family, it is important to prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

Finding the right person to be with can be a challenge, and the search can last for years. But when you finally meet someone who you click with better than anyone else, it’s absolutely magical. However, the struggle isn’t over quite yet. Your new partner still faces an obstacle some can’t overcome: the friend test.

When most people start dating someone new, one of the first things they do is introduce their love interest to their closest friends. Unfortunately, your friends may not be as crazy about your significant other as you are.

man shouting at woman with a megaphone

Possible Red Flags

If none of your friends are impressed with your partner, it’s crucial to figure out why. You can start by answering a few questions:

  • Is your love interest verbally, emotionally or physically abusive in any way?
  • Has your partner ever cheated on you?
  • Does your significant other discourage you from doing the things you love?
  • Is your boyfriend/lover/partner overly possessive or jealous so that their behaviour stops or hinders you doing what you wish to do?
  • Do you have to pretend or be inauthentic in order to maintain this relationship?
  • Are you being actively discouraged or berated for spending time with your friends or family?
  • Does your love interest or boyfriend encourage you to indulge in unhealthy or illegal vices eg use of alcohol to the point of getting drunk, drugs, or commit illegal offenses etc.

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, your friends are probably barking up the right trees and you should seriously re-evaluate your commitment. Consider if it’s the right one for you because the red flags are glowing red hot. You might also consider the possibility of healthier new relationships at sometime in the future.

If it’s only one friend who dislikes your partner, then it gets a bit more complicated, perhaps you can talk to other friends to get their feedback on what is really going on. Did this one friend ever meet or know of your mate previously? This could get a bit awkward!

But if you answered no to all of the above questions, you’re facing a different challenge: your friends simply don’t like your love interest. While this is a difficult situation to handle, you and your lover can navigate it successfully and make your fledgling romantic relationship work.

Does It Matter if Your Friends Don’t Like Your Partner?

While it can be important to consider the opinions of those closest to you, ultimately the decision of who you choose to be in a relationship with should be based on your own feelings and judgment. It is possible that your friends may see things in your mate that you may not, so it is worth taking their perspectives into account. However, if you are truly happy and fulfilled in your relationship, it is ultimately up to you to decide what is best for you. Communication with your friends about their concerns and discussing them openly with your significant other may also help to address any issues and potentially improve the situation.

Covert Ways Your Friends Can Pick on Your Partner

Sometimes friends are not really friends. Here are some more warning flags but this time for potential frenemies:

  1. Making subtle jabs or teasing comments about your significant other’s habits or quirks.
    2. Excluding them from group activities or conversations.
    3. Making sarcastic remarks or jokes at your love interest’s expense.
    4. Ignoring or avoiding your other half when they are present.
    5. Constantly comparing your significant other to previous partners or making unfair comparisons to other people.
    6. Mimicking or imitating your love interest in a mocking way.
    7. Downplaying your partner’s achievements or belittling their accomplishments.
    8. Giving backhanded compliments or insincere praise.
    9. Encouraging you to join in on making fun of your beloved.
    10. Spreading rumors or gossip about your beloved behind their back.

If you find this type of behaviour is going on, you could have a serious chat with your frenemies. It might be a case of cutting the umbilical cord and getting on with your life.

personal boundaries word cloud in purple

Setting Boundaries with Family and Friends

First, you should explain to your friends that while you appreciate their honesty, you feel differently about your love interest than they do and plan to stay with them for the foreseeable future. Try not to become angry with your friends or express frustration at their opinions; doing so will only create a sense of hostility among you and may discourage them from being honest with you in the future.

In addition, you should make every effort to keep your romantic partner away from your friends’ opinions. While it may not be possible to keep the fact that your friends dislike them a secret, you can at least refrain from talking about it and keep all parties separate whenever possible.

On the flip side, resist talking about your boyfriend/lover in front of your friends. Doing so will only provoke negative comments from them or start a fight. Mentioning him or her in a story you’re telling is fine, but if you want to brag about a sweet gesture they recently made or vent about a fight you had, those conversations are best left for family or friends who genuinely like your new partner.

When Friendships Interfere with Your Relationship

Another question you can think about is ‘did your friends react in a similar manner with your ex when you were together?”. Which then leads onto other questions such as “are you repeating a behavioural pattern with the same type of dynamics”? or “Are you sabotaging yourself?” Or even perhaps “Are your friends happy in their own relationships and if not, are they jealous because you are happy?” In this case, they’re more like frenemies rather than friends.

Finally, focus on what you love about your significant other. Think of all the things they do to make you happy and all of the qualities you love about them. Forget any complaints your friends have and focus on how you feel about your significant other.

While it’s certainly unfortunate to be romantically interested in someone who your friends don’t particularly care for, it doesn’t mean that you have to end your connection or break up with your friends. By following the above steps, you can keep your friends, your lover and yourself happy.

It is also important to communicate openly and honestly with your significant other about the concerns of family and friends. This can help to address any underlying issues in the relationship and work towards finding a resolution that satisfies both parties.
Remember, relationships might be complex and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It is important to trust your instincts and prioritize your own happiness and well-being in the decisions you make regarding your romantic other.

Seeking Help Outside the Relationship

If family and friends are expressing concerns about your relationship, they normally have your best interests at heart and it may be beneficial to seek outside help. This could be in the form of couples counselling, individual therapy, or even just talking to a trusted friend or mentor. Seeking help can provide valuable insight and support as you navigate the challenges of a relationship that is not approved of by loved ones. It might be worth focusing on open and honest communication with friends, family and your significant other.

Getting the Full Story as To What Is Really Going On

When trying to understand any situation or event, it is important to gather information from multiple sources to find out the truth. This is where your family and friends can help if they are genuinely caring about your well-being. You might also do some research to uncover any hidden agendas or things you didn’t know about the person you love. I know you may have some resistance or hesitancy about his initially, but at least consider the idea.

It is also helpful to consider the context in which the event is taking place and to question the motives of those making comments about it.

By seeking out a variety of viewpoints and critically evaluating the information you find, you can gain more understanding of what is really going on. You can also get a reading with one of our professional psychics who will spiritually advise you and let you know what energies they are picking up in Spirit. These actions can help you form a more informed opinion and make better decisions based on the full story.

Author: Rose Smith