Self Sabotaging Relationships

Self Sabotaging Relationships: Overcoming the Fear of Abandonment

Fear of abandonment has to be one of the most gut-wrenching emotional experiences a person can go through. Let’s be honest, it’s a lot more common than most of us admit. It’s often the sneaky little culprit behind self sabotaging relationships. You quietly stirring up drama, distance and heartbreak before you even realise what’s happened. Maybe you’ve heard someone say it in passing: “She just can’t hold a relationship together - she’s got a deep-seated fear of abandonment.” Sounds harsh, right? But it’s more than just a throwaway line. It’s a very real fear that can chip away at even the most promising of connections.

But what if this thing that’s usually seen as a weakness could actually be reframed? What if fear of abandonment could be understood not as a flaw, but as a signpost. Perhaps it's a nudge from your emotional GPS pointing toward healing, growth and stronger relationships?

Self Sabotaging Relationships: Where It All Begins

For a lot of us, these patterns don’t just pop up out of nowhere. Maybe it was a rough childhood - losing someone close, a messy divorce or feeling emotionally sidelined over and over. Somewhere along the line, you may’ve taken on the belief that love is unstable, and that it doesn’t stick around. And that belief? It doesn’t just disappear when you grow up and start dating - it follows you, like a bad smell.

Sometimes the fear’s as obvious as a kookaburra on a fence post. Other times, it creeps in slowly, slipping under the radar until you’re halfway into another relationship drama, wondering how you got here again.

Recognising the Cycle of Sabotage

So, you’ve met someone lovely. Things are feeling good. You’re even checking your daily horoscope just to double-check the Universe is backing you. But then… the doubts creep in.

“Why didn’t they message back yet?”

“Are they pulling away?”

“Maybe I’m just not enough.”

Before you know it, you're trying to fast-track the relationship, pushing for more closeness, more reassurance. Maybe even without realising it? You might start second-guessing everything, needing constant proof that they’re still in it. Maybe you're pulling little emotional stunts (hello, guilt trips or the good old silent treatment) just to feel safe. But what feels like self-protection can look like control to the other person.

And then boom—your partner starts to pull away. You panic, double down, get snappy, or cling harder. And yep, just like that, the cycle kicks off again. Sound familiar?

Breaking Free: Healing from the Inside Out

The first step? Drop the guilt. Seriously. If you’ve been caught in this loop, it doesn’t mean you're a lost cause. It means there’s a tender spot inside you trying its best to keep you safe - even if it’s going about it all wrong.

Here’s how to start turning things around:

1. Stop Blaming Yourself

You’re not broken,  you’ve just picked up some emotional habits along the way. That fear of abandonment? It’s part of your story, but it doesn’t have to be the whole bloody book. You can still be worthy of love and be a work in progress. Own your story, then rewrite the next chapter how you want it.

2. Build Emotional Awareness

Start tuning in to your triggers. When you feel the panic rising, take a breath. Ask yourself: Is this about what’s actually happening right now - or something from way back when? The more you can spot the difference, the more power you’ve got to choose a different response.

3. Seek Connection, Not Control

A healthy relationship doesn’t mean handing your partner the job of being your emotional life raft. It’s not their job to patch up old wounds. Learn to ground yourself, soothe your own nerves and bring a sense of stability from within. You’ll show up differently - stronger, calmer, and more magnetic than ever.

4. Get Support—No Shame in That

Don’t tough it out alone. Chat to a friend who gets it, see a therapist, or reach out to someone who won’t judge you. Even a psychic reading can help offer fresh insight when you’re feeling stuck. (Sometimes it’s just nice to talk to someone who doesn’t expect you to have it all together.)

You might also find journaling, meditation, EFT tapping, or energy healing helpful for shifting the emotional stuff that talk alone can’t always reach.

Choosing a New Path Forward

Getting past self-sabotaging patterns isn’t about fixing yourself so someone else will love you. You already deserve love—right here, as you are. This work is about helping you receive love when it shows up, instead of running for the hills or pushing it away.

It’s going to take time. You’ll fall into old habits now and then—we all do. But with awareness, self-compassion and a bit of grit, you’ll start creating something new. Hello relationships that are solid, respectful and built on real connection.

Because let’s be honest—you deserve the kind of love that doesn’t feel like a guessing game. One where you feel held, not smothered; safe, not scared.

Need a Bit of Extra Insight?

Sometimes you just need a fresh perspective or someone to help you see the bigger picture. If you’re feeling stuck or unsure what your next move is, one of our talented psychics can help you find clarity and direction. Whether you prefer a phone call or an email reading, we’ve got compassionate readers ready to support you.

Visit www.absolutesoulsecrets.com to connect with someone who really gets it. You’re not on your own with this.

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