The most effective formula for a happy marriage is two partners plus trust and dedication. But when you add feelings for an ex into the mix, that equation immediately becomes much harder to solve.
Having feelings for an ex while you’re married throws your emotions into a tormented whirlwind. Those feelings garner a massive amount of guilt and can even make you question the very foundation of your marriage. How are you supposed to devote your heart and soul to your husband or wife if you’re still in love with your ex?
There are four steps you can take to work through this difficult dilemma:
Remember why you and your ex ended your relationship.
It can be easy to glorify the relationship you had with your ex and remember that time more fondly than it actually was. Spend some time reviewing the issues (write them down if it helps!) that caused your relationship to end. Focus on why you and your ex decided that your relationship wasn’t worth the effort to salvage. Think about what drove you to that decision and if those issues would still be prevalent today.
Examine the good, and the bad, of your marriage.
On the other hand, you and your current partner mutually decided to spend the rest of your lives together. That was a major life decision, and it probably wasn’t made overnight. It’s likely something you thought about for weeks, even months, and eventually realized that it was the best decision for you, your partner and your future family. But chances are, if everything was perfect between you and your spouse, you wouldn’t be longing for your ex. Therefore, you should focus on the positive aspects of your marriage and see what you can do to fix the negative.
Ask yourself what you miss about your ex.
Don’t overlook the possibility that your feelings may be misleading you. You might not actually miss being with your ex; instead, you may just miss some specific aspect about your relationship. Maybe your ex was wild and spontaneous and you feel that your present relationship is more subdued and predictable. Figure out what specifically is making you long for your ex and brainstorm some ways to inject those aspects into your marriage.
Talk to your spouse about your feelings.
While it may seem scary, you should talk to your spouse about your feelings. Strong marriages are built on honesty, even when honesty entails difficult conversations. Be careful not to hurt your spouse’s feelings, but be very open about your feelings for your ex. They may have some great insight to offer, and it also might inspire them to work harder at keeping your marriage intact.
Don’t let yourself be rattled by feelings for your ex. It’s certainly not an end all be all to marriage, and it’s a very common thing for people to experience at one point or another.
If you’re still unsure about your marriage and your feelings for your ex, you should try a phone reading with a trained psychic. Absolute Soul Secrets has many psychics available who can give you sound advice and provide guidance with the help of higher powers and spirit guides.