How to Survive a Break Up

a woman upset about break up with her partner as he walks away

Any person who has loved will understand the pain of losing love. – Amanda Booth, Author of The Break Up Survival Guide.

The break-up experience is rarely a pleasant time. At times you will feel as if you won’t get through the pain, hurt and the confusion over the lack of closure that comes with some relationships.

I guess the good thing to remember is that you will indeed make it through this troublesome time, and if you take time to allow yourself to find who you are again, you will be a better person for it. Perhaps you can think back to ways in which you may have handled previous break-ups you may have endured, that is proof in itself that you have and will bounce back.

Below are a few simple tips on how to survive a break-up, and take care of yourself again. Allow yourself to try something a little different this time around. By incorporating the following tips into your newly single life, you will find a more gentle path toward your healing. Bringing a different outcome to what you may have experienced in the past.

You have got nothing to lose and so much to gain at this time in your life, even though I am sure you don’t feel like that right now, however I encourage you to read on. You will discover ways to recover from your broken heart, learn how to empower yourself, be clear and truthful with who you are and what you want in your life. Best of all you will remember and realise your worth!!

It goes without saying that in the early stages of a break up, our thoughts and feelings are guided by our emotions. Anger, confusion, sadness are just some of the emotions that you may be experiencing. By becoming aware of your thoughts and your emotions, you can practise to steer them in a more positive direction rather than the usual…’I wonder what he/she might be feeling right now? Does he/she miss me? Is he/she as sad and heartbroken as I am? Are they out on the town, meeting new people and having fun?’ We have all had those type of thoughts, after all it is human nature!

You ARE just as important!

Now is a great time to become quite disciplined with your thinking process. Relax, it is not as scary as it sounds, and once you learn this process you will be amazed at what you have been spending your time and energy really thinking about.

I am not big on telling people what to do, however I am happy to bend that rule this time. DO NOT spend your time presuming what your ex may or may not be doing. Instead, put that energy back into yourself. Now that you are single, you will find you have all this time on your hands, which can be a great environment for letting your thoughts run off in all the wrong directions. It is very easy to slip into the victim role here, and you want to avoid that at all costs as it takes a long time to dig yourself out of there.

Dwelling on what your ex may or may not be doing is never an emotionally healthy way to spend your time! Now, it is not possible to flick your emotional switch on and off, but it is possible to acknowledge what it is about your break up that is causing your pain. It is possible to ask yourself…why am I so angry right now, why can I not stop worrying about what he/she may be doing? Who they are with and anything else that you might be able to throw into the scattered mixture of thoughts. Is it really relevant to your life anymore? Is it going to make you feel any better? No, nothing and no one else is about to make you feel better. That’s up to you.

So stay focused, and remember no one ever really teaches us how to deal with loss. To be able to heal from your grief and pain, you must allow yourself to feel EVERYTHING. The good, the bad and all in between. Take the time to notice what you are thinking and feeling at regular intervals throughout your day.

Acknowledge why you are feeling certain emotions, how is that feeling affecting your thoughts right now? If they are spiralling into negativity it is vitally important that once you have discovered and acknowledged how you are feeling, remind yourself of your needs and desires, focus on your goals and visualise what you would rather see happening in your life, rather than being miserable over what you don’t have. Practise it for a few weeks, you will be pleased with the results. It sounds simple…because once you are used to doing this, it is simple. In time this will become a natural way of thinking for you.

One of the biggest things that stands out to me is that when we experience a break up, most of us begin to devalue ourselves:- ‘If he/she had of really loved me, they would have… If I meant anything to them at all then this wouldn’t be happening… maybe all of this was just a lie to use me for sex, money, opportunities etc’ Half the time we don’t even realise we are doing it, let alone begin to contemplate what this nasty practice of devaluing can do to our self-esteem, our beliefs about future partners/relationships, and the overall process of moving forward and healing.

Instead of devaluing yourself and doubting your worth, try some of the following tips that will help uplift you, inspire you to find your motivation to make some simple yet important changes to your future.

Break-ups often lead to some rather deep soul searching. If you choose to sit behind closed doors with the curtains drawn, all you will feel is the heaviness of negative thoughts, negative self-talk and depressed moods. Try getting outside. Ground your emotional and flighty energy by walking on the grass without shoes, have a salt bath (these are amazing, helping to cleanse and soothe the soul!) or take a refreshing shower. Visualise any negative and heavy emotions flowing out of your body as you do this.

Journalling is another great way to encourage and enable not only the soul searching process, but also helps get your thoughts in order, bringing clarity and focus. Just a little tip when journalling, it is important to also journal about the positives that are currently happening in your life. It is important to promote positive thoughts and positive energy. By doing this you are still able to express your angry and upset thoughts, but you can finish on a positive and feel much better in yourself afterwards.

Affirmations are a great way to write about your positives e.g. I am grateful for the support of my loving family and friends or, I am grateful for the fact that I am safe and secure and have the opportunity to shape my life in a direction that is right for me. I am grateful for my fantastic job that pays me well. You can also write about things that you want to see in your life -even if you don’t actually have them in your life just yet. This is called manifesting.

This type of positive writing not only lifts your energy to a happier more positive perspective, but also helps you to create and attract more positivity into your life. You can go one step further in your journalling and write some manifesting affirmations. This is especially helpful in recycling your angry, sad, hurt, broken emotional energy and turn it to your advantage. If you visualise or write about what you would rather see happening in your life, you will gradually start to see positive change and opportunities come into your life.

Exercise is a great way to burn off lethargy and help recharge your mind and body. You don’t need to be a gym junkie to benefit from this. A walk around the block, to the beach or park will have the same uplifting effect. Let’s not forget meditation as another great way to quiet your racing thoughts and help to bring clarity and calm to mind, body and soul.

Find Yourself

To be sure you are able to give this healing process the energy that is required, you deserve to be able to make clear and positive choices. You must be patient with yourself during this process. It may even feel quite foreign for you to do what you enjoy. Make the decision to give yourself permission to honour yourself, and find out what is important to you.

By taking this time for yourself, while working on your journaling and affirmations about what you would rather see in your life, and granting yourself permission to follow what feels right for you, you are showering yourself with love.


This is something many of us forget to focus on while in a relationship…..often forgoing our own hearts desires to encourage and help others fulfil theirs. Practice self-love and continue to do so during your future relationships. This helps you to remain in your power and in your truth. “I love and approve of myself and I trust the process of life. I am safe.”

When you have got the hang of this, you will notice a different quality of people come into your life. Stronger and more compatible romantic relationships, better friendships and life opportunities. Remember when you hear someone say that things are starting to fall into place, that is because they are aligned in their power and their truth.

Allow yourself to be open to these new changes and opportunities, remind yourself that as painful as this break-up may be right now, you will enjoy the abundance of good coming to you. Book a psychic reading with the talented phone psychics here at Absolute Soul Secrets. They will be able to help you stay focused and on track with the spiritual messages that they share with you. Remember you have everything to gain in your new life direction, why not get a little insight into what the future has in store for you.


Author: Rose Smith